I want to be a better blogger. I need to be a better blogger. I will be a better blogger.
I've had the Post-Christmas blues.
He was sent away on November 24th. A few days later was Thanksgiving and then started the holiday season and all the hustle and bustle of being busy when it comes to that time of year.
Then the New Year hits. And this year, it hit me hard. I felt very lonely on New Years. It was the first New Years in my whole life that I wasn't with people my age. It really made me think a lot, which for me is not really a good thing. I over analyze EVERYTHING! I let Alyssa stay up with me, because I couldn't stand being alone! She did great and had a lot of fun watching the ball drop. Then at 12:09 she asked me if she could go to bed because she was tired.
I have to admit, I don't like being alone. I also don't like to make decisions. I ponder and wonder if they are good ones or bad ones or if I'm going to regret them or be happy. I wonder if I'll be alone for a long time. I plan on not settling for anything, but wonder if my loniness will take over and brainwash me.
I'm terrified of gaining my weight back, but yet, find myself eating uncontrollably after the kids go to bed. I should be walking on the treadmill, but I'm too exhausted. I should go to bed, but I've got things to do. Lunches to pack, laundry to do, dishes to finish, toys to clean up. It's never ending.
I'm scared and I'm lonely and I'm tired and I feel so out of control. I'm thinking I need help!
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I'm so sorry honey. I can't say I completely understand what you're going through, but I do sorta know. You can be lonely even when people are around. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. All I can say is that we're all here if you need us and it's okay to get some help. It'd help to get it all out and have some guidance. I did it for a while and my therapist sucked, but it did do some good.
ReplyDeleteDay by day sweety. You can do it. I'm thinking of you!!